Listening/Watching the new radiohead album, In Rainbows, on youtube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukythkK4EPQ
52minutes). I love it. It makes me emotional. I don't know why, but their songs leave me with feelngs in my chest. A sort of consonant resonance. I begin wondering things like, "why aren't I making music more and conversing with the gods again?" ... "why aren't I writing like my life depends on it?" ... "where are the friends I thought I had?" ... "will I always feel this alone?"
A mix of jealousy and regret overwhelmed me last night as I learned The Icicles were touring Europe and have commercial deals with Motorola and Target. I used to play with that band. What a strange realization. Of course, the thought occurs to me, "Thank God I don't have to tour Europe with those
Radiohead is telling me now, "It's alright, It's alright, It's allowed".
Why aren't I writing like my life depends on it? Here is the warm-up. Redemption draws near.
You're probably reading this ... whomever you are ... thinking how pathetic it all sounds. But you'll be here someday:
"emptied of hope, singing of light, the cursed bread sitting on your tongue"
I need to go ride my bicycle.