Listening/Watching the new radiohead album, In Rainbows, on youtube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukythkK4EPQ 52minutes).  I love it.  It makes me emotional.  I don't know why, but their songs leave me with feelngs in my chest.  A sort of consonant resonance.  I begin wondering things like, "why aren't I making music more and conversing with the gods again?" ... "why aren't I writing like my life depends on it?" ... "where are the friends I thought I had?" ... "will I always feel this alone?"

A mix of jealousy and regret overwhelmed me last night as I learned The Icicles were touring Europe and have commercial deals with Motorola and Target.  I used to play with that band.  What a strange realization.  Of course, the thought occurs to me, "Thank God I don't have to tour Europe with those women.

Radiohead is telling me now, "It's alright, It's alright, It's allowed".  

Why aren't I writing like my life depends on it?  Here is the warm-up.  Redemption draws near.  

You're probably reading this ... whomever you are ... thinking how pathetic it all sounds.  But you'll be here someday:
"emptied of hope, singing of light, the cursed bread sitting on your tongue"

I need to go ride my bicycle.